It’s the New Year and you’re excited about making a change – whether it’s losing 10 pounds, getting more exercise, changing jobs, or spending less – you want to improve your life and health. However, you’ve tried to make a change before. It went great for 2 or 3 weeks and then life crept in – you got busier, your family commitments increased, work got crazy, and making time for you got put on the back burner. Every time you’ve tried to make a change, your plans have been derailed and you’re starting to wonder if you should even try… again. Why is change so freaking hard?!?!?!? In this post, I’m going to talk about why making lasting changes is so difficult and what you can do to increase your chances of success.

Why is change so hard?

1. You know what to do, but you don’t know where to start or don’t have the confidence you can succeed. You know what to do. After all, EVERYONE has told you repeatedly that you need to make a change (your significant other, your friends, your family, your doctor, etc.). You think they’re right, but you aren’t sure how to start because every time you’ve tried before, you’ve failed. Part of the reason for this is that…
2. Habits are hardwired neurologically. The more often you perform an action, the more your neural pathways to do it are reinforced. It’s like creating ruts in a road – once your wheels hit the dirt, they slide right back into the grooves and it can be very difficult to get onto any other track. An example of this is when you go on autopilot when driving your car to work every morning – your brain knows what to do even when you aren’t fully aware of the trip. The longer you’ve had a habit, the harder it is to rewire your brain. You think you can overcome a behavior by engaging in…
3. All-or-nothing thinking. Experts tell you that you need to follow a comprehensive plan to the letter in order to succeed. You’re super motivated and you try, but the plan is really tough to follow because it either doesn’t work with your lifestyle (e.g., it requires two 45-minute workouts per day, but you have small children and can’t make this work long-term) or is unrealistic (e.g., you can’t eat carbs, but you travel a lot and can’t find carb-free options where you’re staying). These plans send the message that if you can’t do all of it, you might as well do none of it or that you’ve failed because you can’t commit. It’s never the creator of the plan’s fault for putting together something so unrealistic or unsustainable. You may also engage in all-or-nothing thinking on a smaller scale when you give up your healthy eating plans because you already ate 3 donuts when you got to work, so the whole day is shot. All-or-nothing thinking is made even more difficult because…
4. Life is demanding and unpredictable. You were going to go to the gym right after work and then you had a last minute meeting or your child got sick at daycare and you had to go pick them up – no gym today. The demands of life interfere with your intentions and are often unpredictable, which makes planning even tougher. This plays into the next challenge…
5. Your self-care comes last. You have priorities in your life that take precedence over any changes you want to make. You may want to spend extra time with your family rather than meal planning for tomorrow or exercising. You may need to work a second job to make ends meet and don’t have extra time for self-improvement. These priorities aren’t going to go away or change, so what can you do?

What can you do about it? How can you make change stick?

1. Reinforce your motivation for change. Make a list of pros and cons for making a specific change. For example, strength training helps prevent my migraines (pro). I want to go to the gym in the evenings because this is the time I’m able to fit it into my schedule, but this means less quality time with my husband (con). This works best when you are really honest with yourself about both sides of the issue. Even if you think there aren’t any benefits to staying the same, there are less obvious reasons like change is hard and takes effort (add this to the con side). Furthermore, the stress that comes about from trying to make a change is the most common reason people abandon their behavior change plans, so put increased stress on the con side, too. Once you have a fully fleshed out list of pros and cons, you can see all the reasons why you want to move forward and really assess whether making the change is worth it.
2. Practice conscious awareness of your behaviors. Remember how habits are hardwired in your brain? You can help overcome your usual behaviors by consciously noting what you are doing. This means tracking your foods or workouts so you know what you’re eating or how your moving. It could also mean paying attention to when you feel stressed so you can identify triggers or noticing how much you’re spending outside of your budget. It’s when you aren’t paying attention that you eat twice as many chips as you meant to or you forgot to take your medications in the morning. Notice what you’re currently doing AND how it feels when you meet your change goals. Being aware makes it easier for you to make the change concrete.
3. Set yourself up for success. How many times have you tried to change too much at once, got overwhelmed by the realities of life and derailed from your plans? Attempting to change too much OR too little can make the process very difficult. As I mentioned above, change causes stress. Stress can be good if it’s at just the right level to present a challenge that you have the skills to beat. This is like when you’re learning a new subject and at first are confused, but then are able grasp the concept and apply it successfully. Too little challenge/stress and you’re bored so you don’t live up to your potential. In contrast, too much challenge/stress and you feel overwhelmed and your performance tanks. Therefore, it’s key to set your behavior goals so that they fall right in between – challenging enough that it isn’t a sure thing, but not so difficult that you’re bound to fail. The guideline I shoot for is creating a goal that you are 95% sure you can meet. Why such a high percentage? Because success breeds success – your self-confidence will go up every time you succeed and then you’re even more likely to meet the next goal you set.
4. Stack habits and employ environmental cues. One of the best ways you can help yourself add a new habit is to pair it with an already established habit. Want to exercise everyday after work? Pair your habit of taking your work shoes off with changing right into your workout clothes. This way, you are using the already well-established neural pathways for taking off your shoes after work with forming the new habit of exercising. This makes it much more likely that the new habit will become integrated with your current behaviors. You could add an environmental cue to this by having your workout clothes ready right where you take your shoes off so you can change into them at the same time.
5. Anticipate roadblocks. You’ve tried to make changes before, so you know it isn’t going to be easy. Roadblocks are going to come up. However, now you have the experience to anticipate what these might be. Take some time to brainstorm what might go wrong with your plan and some ways you can either prevent the roadblocks or mitigate them. As an example, let’s look at how I was able to incorporate exercise into my schedule daily. I struggled to make the time for it because I’m running two separate businesses. Something would always come up that was a higher priority than going to the gym (my self-care came last). So I moved my workout sessions to first thing in the morning. There weren’t any business emergencies at that time and I could consistently get my workout in. Roadblock successfully navigated! The more you can plan for potential problems, the more likely you will be able to proceed despite those issues. 

So now you have some strategies for making change easier. I’d really like to hear what you think. What’s your experience with change been like? Why has it been hard for you? What ideas have you tried that made meeting your goals easier? Use the Comments field below to let me know.

If you’re still having problems reaching your goals, please contact me about Health & Wellness Coaching. Coaching is a personalized experience that is all about helping you create a healthier, happier, and more successful and fulfilling life. I’d be happy to chat with you online or by phone so you can decide if coaching is right for you.